The way you've described the early hours in the city makes it sound like a movie. One mustn't deny that the words you chose make a very clear picture. You discussed how the rain moves fast down the windows and those dim yellow lights that barely light up the streets, and it sets this mood for a city that's just starting to wake up--but also that kind of messy feeling that comes right after. The part where you delve into the whole scene with people in Vacated carriages / The longest commuter competition, feels very personal. It clearly demonstrates how the day-to-day grind feels lonely and just like we're part of a giant device where everyone's just trying to go fast without a goal. Your manner of writing is both very detailed and has a nice flow to it, capturing both the sad parts and the strong parts of what living in an enormous city is all like. Unquestionably so -- you should absolutely keep writing more material!